ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've been invited to a combination multi-graduate/Father's Day gathering at an in-law's house. The hosts suggested it in order to honor all the fathers in the family, as well as the three graduates: my husband from grad school, our son from high school and the hosts' daughter from high school. Our in-laws have offered to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have become friends with another couple over the past two years, and we frequently invite them for dinner. Lately, I've noticed that the husband leaves the toilet seat up after using the bathroom.

Both my husband and I have a habit of closing the lid before flushing. Is there a way I can politely bring this up with our ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to hear your opinion on whether or not using "Excuse me" can be rude.

In my opinion, if I can see that a person's activity will only take a minute, it is rude to say, "Excuse me," and expect them to stop what they're doing to allow me to accomplish my task. The proper thing to do, in my mind, is to patiently wait...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an executive chef at a five-star restaurant who frequently entertains at home. I love to cook creatively and come up with ideas for things the guests have never had done before, usually with success.

However, I got some feedback after a dinner party that makes me wonder if I may have breached a rule of etiquette of which...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After well over a year of enduring political campaigning, we are quite fatigued from it all. The results were quite disappointing to us.

Then our dear neighbor announced they were mounting a campaign to run for a state district office and requested our substantial financial and fundraising support.

While understanding the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a beachfront timeshare with two bedrooms, each with a full bath attached. When I invite a guest, should I offer them the much larger "owner's suite," or the very-nice-but-smaller guest suite?

Do I take my guidance from the names of these spaces, or should I give my guest the larger space?

GENTLE READER: The reason you ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Relative to the longstanding tradition of men proposing marriage to women, and in this day of slow (but hopefully inexorable) movement towards gender equity, I wonder if the percent of marriage proposals initiated by women has increased. Should it?

GENTLE READER: Sure, it should. In a sensible world, it would hardly matter ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I have a long-standing, semi-joking disagreement, but I do think my behavior bothers her, and I just don't understand why.

We typically meet for dinner. Now, I am not a big dining-out person. I am just not that interested in food. I'm more of an "eat to live" person, if you know what I mean.

My friend gets a lot...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend, Nora, whom I have known since high school. She now lives in a nearby town, but too far to just make a visit for the day, so when we do get together, it requires a weekend stay for her and her husband.

We do get along and enjoy their visit, except for one thing. When I entertain, I like to plan all the meals, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an upscale office building in the downtown core. Our building is supposed to be solicitor-free, but on occasion we get walk-in solicitors, companies trying to sell their services and people trying to give resumes.

This is both annoying and bothersome. Our office is locked, so these people need to ring or knock to be...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a flight and sitting in the aisle seat. The middle seat and window seat were occupied by strangers. The plane had landed, and people were standing in the aisle waiting for the door to open. I remained seated, waiting for the aisle to clear.

The woman in the window seat reached over and poked me, telling me to stand ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems more and more of my friends' young adult children are getting tattoos. Often my friends share the news like the tattoo is some sort of accomplishment and, if the young adult is present, will summon them over to show off the new ink to (presumably) collect compliments.

While I don't begrudge others doing what they ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a frequent tourist, I take lots of photos wherever I go. I try not to be intrusive, but it isn't feasible to ask permission of anonymous people in public spaces, and U.S. courts have ruled that nobody has a right to privacy in such settings.

Everyone carries a phone these days, and the number of people taking photos has ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our house uses an electronic door code instead of a key and lock. Our relatives know the code, from times when they needed to access our home without us there -- for instance, picking up supplies for us while we were in the hospital, or getting to the house before us for a dinner when the weather was bad.

Outside of times ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our group of friends is about 15 people large. We have known each other for over three decades. At the opposite end of the group is a couple that we only see when the entire group gets together.

We like to entertain, and have invited this couple for years. They have never accepted our invitations, though they accept ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One co-worker likes to host office parties with food-themed potlucks. She will suggest a dish that she will cook and bring to share, such as trays of chicken wings or seafood pasta. Generally a lunch would have eight to 20 people.

As she likes to make these meat- or seafood-based dishes, she will then ask for financial ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who occasionally attends functions with me where food is available -- usually breakfasts. She invariably takes an item (a bagel, muffin or cookie, say), breaks off the amount she wants and then puts the remainder back on the serving platter.

I think this is wrong, as she's touching the food with bare ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is graduating with honors from a very selective university. My husband wants to invite family from both sides to attend, which would require everyone to travel out of state to a very expensive city.

Initially, we were going to host a nice party after the ceremony. Now it's completely off, due to volatility in my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child's school is having a staff appreciation week, which isn't a bad idea, given the effort they put in and how they enhance our kids' lives. What strikes me as extremely gauche, however, is that it's organized and run by the school, while asking parents to contribute.

This seems like the kind of thing that parents should...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving a steak, the server will often say something along the lines of, "Please cut into the center to make sure it's cooked the way you want it."

At a business dinner of around 20 people, I was rather rudely corrected for doing so by someone who thought I was about to commence eating before everyone's entree had been ...Read more